So my last year of nursing school is about to start, and as I trudge toward middle age I've come to realize a few things.
-I tend to think of exercise in terms of "if i have time for it", and "if I feel like it" (mistake.)
-I run out of steam near the end of each quarter at school.
-I absolutely loathe cleaning up after dinner.
I've been thinking a whole lot about where I want to be when I reach retirement in terms of health. For that reason, I've kicked things up a notch. I really want to be able to enjoy my life to the fullest as long as I'm in charge of my body. I've been maintaining an exercise routine this summer, I'm losing some weight, and am learning new things about my body all the time -- what I'm capable of, where my endurance is at, and the importance of watching my blood-sugar and electrolytes when I'm pushing myself. Most importantly, I've abstained from smoking for over 3 years now, and although it's still a struggle at times (really), I'm doing it. *self high-five*
I'd like to maintain some more momentum throughout this next school year. I don't want to reach a point where I'm "just too busy to exercise" or fail to pay attention during long lectures because -- sometimes it's really hard to pay attention during long lectures. This is it -- the home stretch!
The plans and hopes and dreams that my husband and I have for our family will open up if we continue to push forward through the next nine months. Nursing school is hard - on everyone. They expect a lot out of me as a student and professional, and I'm still accountable as a wife and mother - it's not always easy. On the flip side of that same coin, through hard work and persistence, I've been given an opportunity to enter into a career path that excites me. I understand that not everyone gets that chance, and a lot of people would give anything to be in my shoes. I'm grateful.
I still have no idea which avenues within the nursing field I'd like to explore! Also, having an additional income will be -- wow I don't even know -- thats pretty exciting, too. :)
Just needed to dump some thoughts into writing! I have bathrooms to clean today. Ugh.
Thursday, September 13, 2012
Sunday, July 1, 2012
Honest truth:
I'm overweight. Yikes. If you've seen me over the last couple of years this won't come as a suprise to you. You've seen me afterall. And if that's the case, you probably didn't need to read that, but I think I needed to write it. I've been running now for a couple of years and it's only been up until recently that I've started using the word "fat" to describe myself. Please don't take that as a negative self depracating sort of thing, it's the honest truth. What good is knowing this truth about myself and choosing to do nothing? What kind of life am I leading if I can become complacent with the way I treat myself?
For a very long time I tried to get comfortable in my skin at this new weight. I just can't. I know a lot of ladies out there are comfortable being plus sized and I just don't know how. It's easy to shrug off a plate of pasta alfredo (oh how I miss you, alfredo!!) or a value meal, but it's added up to me to be horribly uncomfortable and I want to be happy and healthy. In order to accomplish that, I've decided to fight.
I've picked a fight with carbs. I've had a couple of minor self-induced slip-ups in the last couple of weeks since I started fighting with carbs but I'm still ahead. I'm also fighting with beer. I'm winning that fight, too. No matter how satisfying a nice ale is right after a long run *sigh*.
I consulted with a doctor, started some new medication to get my insulin in motion (see Paula Deen -- down to a size 10. REALLY?!?? I can't let Paula Deen be thinner than me. Can't.) I've started putting some more variation into my exercise routine since running long distances several times a week in conjunction with the extra weight has ended in injury.
I'm staying below 1,200 calories/day. I'm staying below 100g carbs/day (ideally around 50 g). I'm using http://caloriecount.about.com/ to track my foods. Theres been some days when I even have a hard time getting over 900 calories. Interestingly enough, I can bake potatoes for the rest of my family and enjoy the meat & veggies on my plate without feeling like I need a potatoe (serving of rice, bread, pasta whatevs) too.
I'm two weeks into this journey as of yesterday. I'm not perfect at this, but I'm eating so much better than I ever have. Now the challenge will be hitting the "post" button. I'm going to feel downright naked when this is posted. But I won't LOOK naked. That's what's important. I want more than anything to just sustain the forward progress I've made so far. Two weeks = 10 lbs down so far.
For a very long time I tried to get comfortable in my skin at this new weight. I just can't. I know a lot of ladies out there are comfortable being plus sized and I just don't know how. It's easy to shrug off a plate of pasta alfredo (oh how I miss you, alfredo!!) or a value meal, but it's added up to me to be horribly uncomfortable and I want to be happy and healthy. In order to accomplish that, I've decided to fight.
I've picked a fight with carbs. I've had a couple of minor self-induced slip-ups in the last couple of weeks since I started fighting with carbs but I'm still ahead. I'm also fighting with beer. I'm winning that fight, too. No matter how satisfying a nice ale is right after a long run *sigh*.
I consulted with a doctor, started some new medication to get my insulin in motion (see Paula Deen -- down to a size 10. REALLY?!?? I can't let Paula Deen be thinner than me. Can't.) I've started putting some more variation into my exercise routine since running long distances several times a week in conjunction with the extra weight has ended in injury.
I'm staying below 1,200 calories/day. I'm staying below 100g carbs/day (ideally around 50 g). I'm using http://caloriecount.about.com/ to track my foods. Theres been some days when I even have a hard time getting over 900 calories. Interestingly enough, I can bake potatoes for the rest of my family and enjoy the meat & veggies on my plate without feeling like I need a potatoe (serving of rice, bread, pasta whatevs) too.
I'm two weeks into this journey as of yesterday. I'm not perfect at this, but I'm eating so much better than I ever have. Now the challenge will be hitting the "post" button. I'm going to feel downright naked when this is posted. But I won't LOOK naked. That's what's important. I want more than anything to just sustain the forward progress I've made so far. Two weeks = 10 lbs down so far.
Friday, May 4, 2012
Hum drum!
Wow, I haven't even had a chance to look at this thing since last year! I figured I'd better at least nod in the direction of my blog and keep it up-to-date at least once in a while!!
So, lets see: The baby is almost two years old, now! I can't believe time has just flown by so fast but she's a slow grower (like me!) so she's still little enough to be "my baby". The older kid is a full-blown teenager now and there is no question about that. Lord, but she's outgrown me!
I'm still running... And running, and running. Can't seem to lose any weight, but whatever. I'm a self proclaimed Forrest Gump (in regard to running), so I've just decided to be comfortable with my health outweighing my outweighing!
We're creeeeping up on the end of the final quarter of the first year of nursing school. I'd agonized quite a bit about not being able to go during summer quarter but I'm getting more comfortable with that now, and I can't wait to get all domestic again and fill up all the jars in the cupboard with deliciousness!! Let me tell ya, nursing school is incredibly challenging and it'll be nice to take a break.
Looking at my old blog posts takes me back to when I started writing (all 4 posts ago). This was during a time when I was frustrated and feeling generally short-changed in a lot of ways. I don't want to get specific... Those of you who know me and my family will know the juicy details; but I want to throw this out there: Freeing myself from the bondage of feeling like I'm a captive... Somehow trapped by my past and a prisoner of circumstances that I'm not even closely tied to anymore; this is so liberating. I feel like in the course of the last year I've somehow been washed of the responsibility (or assumed responsibilities) that I was never really accountable to. I felt as though I somehow was indebted to people that quite frankly don't really want me in their lives.
Knowing that, saying that, and really honestly accepting and owning it are separate issues all together. The bottom line is this: My life comes down to my accountability to the four people that live between the same 4 walls I do. Everything else is secondary because anyone else can make you expendable in a heartbeat. Does that sound cynical? It's not meant to. I have family and friends that are very important to me, but it's my immediate family that I'm accountable to. Every day I feel like I understand a little better exactly the type of parent, friend, sibling, and wife I want to be.
So, lets see: The baby is almost two years old, now! I can't believe time has just flown by so fast but she's a slow grower (like me!) so she's still little enough to be "my baby". The older kid is a full-blown teenager now and there is no question about that. Lord, but she's outgrown me!
I'm still running... And running, and running. Can't seem to lose any weight, but whatever. I'm a self proclaimed Forrest Gump (in regard to running), so I've just decided to be comfortable with my health outweighing my outweighing!
We're creeeeping up on the end of the final quarter of the first year of nursing school. I'd agonized quite a bit about not being able to go during summer quarter but I'm getting more comfortable with that now, and I can't wait to get all domestic again and fill up all the jars in the cupboard with deliciousness!! Let me tell ya, nursing school is incredibly challenging and it'll be nice to take a break.
Looking at my old blog posts takes me back to when I started writing (all 4 posts ago). This was during a time when I was frustrated and feeling generally short-changed in a lot of ways. I don't want to get specific... Those of you who know me and my family will know the juicy details; but I want to throw this out there: Freeing myself from the bondage of feeling like I'm a captive... Somehow trapped by my past and a prisoner of circumstances that I'm not even closely tied to anymore; this is so liberating. I feel like in the course of the last year I've somehow been washed of the responsibility (or assumed responsibilities) that I was never really accountable to. I felt as though I somehow was indebted to people that quite frankly don't really want me in their lives.
Knowing that, saying that, and really honestly accepting and owning it are separate issues all together. The bottom line is this: My life comes down to my accountability to the four people that live between the same 4 walls I do. Everything else is secondary because anyone else can make you expendable in a heartbeat. Does that sound cynical? It's not meant to. I have family and friends that are very important to me, but it's my immediate family that I'm accountable to. Every day I feel like I understand a little better exactly the type of parent, friend, sibling, and wife I want to be.
Saturday, July 9, 2011
Microscopic Colitis
So I've got a diagnosis for this chronic nastiness that I've become accustomed to. Apparently, the nature of my gut is not "normal" and is treatable, mostly by dietary changes and medical intervention so now I begin a journey of discovery with my new diet.
As far as medication goes: I've recently tried one called dicyclomine and that is a no-go as it makes me super drowsy. I just won't take anything that makes me a walking zombie and gets in the way of being a functioning parent, or anything that hinders my ability to run. So I shelved that one. Maybe that'll be a good one to take some night that I've got a flare-up and I can't get to sleep! Bonus. :D I have another called Diphenoxylate/Atropine -- it works well from what I can tell, but I take it sparingly as I think it makes me a bit drowsy as well & to be honest I'm just not into drugs. There are more on the list to try, I'll update as I run through them -- when and if I do.
Dietary changes are going to be the toughie. I feel like I've been thrown for a loop here as I've been taught that high-fiber diets are beneficial for everyone. Fiber adds bulk for people with diarrhea, and absorbs water for people with constipation. Win/win. Right? Well, fiber (insoluble fiber to be specific) is out-right poison for people with microscopic colitis. A Fiber One brownie will send me into a "tail spin" (pun pun pun) for days.
This explains why, when a few months ago I read the book The Spectrum by Dr. Dean Ornish (which was the text in a Diet/Exercise/Weightloss class I took a couple years back), and applied its principals I got sick. I went on a high fiber/high (lean) protein diet - namely soy products. Of course, I snuck in some poultry here & there. Boy, did I lose weight! But damn it, I was so sick and downright confused. This book reinforced over and over that he had proven scientifically that if you went on this diet you would feel better, period. And come on -- no one can deny that a vegetarian diet is healthy, right?
I tried to trust in the process. After 2 weeks I ended up feeling like a quitter -- like I just couldn't hang in there long enough to start reaping the benefits of eating on the healthiest end of his spectrum. I kept waiting for... for... That blessed day when I could just "go" once. But alas, it was usually an on & off all damn day (as opposed to the usual on & off all damned morning).
OK so now I know it wasn't me. I'm one of the rare few who is basically "allergic" to freakin' fiber. That having been said; how does one get the nutrition they need sans salad? I love me some raw fruits and veggies. I do take supplements. How in the hell am I supposed to keep from getting fat if all the vegetables I can stomach are starchy and all the bread I can eat is white? No beer. No coffee. No milk. Maybe no gluten? Maybe?
Alright, OK, pity party is over. I'm considering consulting with a dietitian. I really do feel like I'm lost in the forest. In the meantime, I'm taking advise from my friend Sarah who's been on her own dietary journey for some time and has quite a bit of helpful hints for me (IE: pad your gut with some starchy veggies before you indulge with your fibrous veggies). And I'm drinking a lot of green tea; which tastes NOTHING like summer ale but is much easier to digest. Oh, summer ale. How I miss thee.
Oh, and one more thing about gut problems. Of course there is no way to prove that stress or anxiety can CAUSE any physical ailment but it can. It does. This digestive business started when I was a little kid. It started during a very stressful period of time for me. I'll admit that I'm an anxious person. It's totally 50/50 nature/nurture in my opinion but that's a topic for another day. I remember missing huge chunks of my day at school because of this. It did eventually just become my own normal; but pain is just never normal and in this day & age of "modern medicine" there is no reason to go through life hurting -- at least without knowing why.
As far as medication goes: I've recently tried one called dicyclomine and that is a no-go as it makes me super drowsy. I just won't take anything that makes me a walking zombie and gets in the way of being a functioning parent, or anything that hinders my ability to run. So I shelved that one. Maybe that'll be a good one to take some night that I've got a flare-up and I can't get to sleep! Bonus. :D I have another called Diphenoxylate/Atropine -- it works well from what I can tell, but I take it sparingly as I think it makes me a bit drowsy as well & to be honest I'm just not into drugs. There are more on the list to try, I'll update as I run through them -- when and if I do.
Dietary changes are going to be the toughie. I feel like I've been thrown for a loop here as I've been taught that high-fiber diets are beneficial for everyone. Fiber adds bulk for people with diarrhea, and absorbs water for people with constipation. Win/win. Right? Well, fiber (insoluble fiber to be specific) is out-right poison for people with microscopic colitis. A Fiber One brownie will send me into a "tail spin" (pun pun pun) for days.
This explains why, when a few months ago I read the book The Spectrum by Dr. Dean Ornish (which was the text in a Diet/Exercise/Weightloss class I took a couple years back), and applied its principals I got sick. I went on a high fiber/high (lean) protein diet - namely soy products. Of course, I snuck in some poultry here & there. Boy, did I lose weight! But damn it, I was so sick and downright confused. This book reinforced over and over that he had proven scientifically that if you went on this diet you would feel better, period. And come on -- no one can deny that a vegetarian diet is healthy, right?
I tried to trust in the process. After 2 weeks I ended up feeling like a quitter -- like I just couldn't hang in there long enough to start reaping the benefits of eating on the healthiest end of his spectrum. I kept waiting for... for... That blessed day when I could just "go" once. But alas, it was usually an on & off all damn day (as opposed to the usual on & off all damned morning).
OK so now I know it wasn't me. I'm one of the rare few who is basically "allergic" to freakin' fiber. That having been said; how does one get the nutrition they need sans salad? I love me some raw fruits and veggies. I do take supplements. How in the hell am I supposed to keep from getting fat if all the vegetables I can stomach are starchy and all the bread I can eat is white? No beer. No coffee. No milk. Maybe no gluten? Maybe?
Alright, OK, pity party is over. I'm considering consulting with a dietitian. I really do feel like I'm lost in the forest. In the meantime, I'm taking advise from my friend Sarah who's been on her own dietary journey for some time and has quite a bit of helpful hints for me (IE: pad your gut with some starchy veggies before you indulge with your fibrous veggies). And I'm drinking a lot of green tea; which tastes NOTHING like summer ale but is much easier to digest. Oh, summer ale. How I miss thee.
Oh, and one more thing about gut problems. Of course there is no way to prove that stress or anxiety can CAUSE any physical ailment but it can. It does. This digestive business started when I was a little kid. It started during a very stressful period of time for me. I'll admit that I'm an anxious person. It's totally 50/50 nature/nurture in my opinion but that's a topic for another day. I remember missing huge chunks of my day at school because of this. It did eventually just become my own normal; but pain is just never normal and in this day & age of "modern medicine" there is no reason to go through life hurting -- at least without knowing why.
Tuesday, June 28, 2011
Nutrition.
I'm calling in reinforcements. I need backup. Summertime is a TRAP for me as far as diet goes! Despite the fact that I run between 16 - 20 miles per week I have hit a weight loss plateau. On one hand, I'm happy that I've been able to indulge to a degree without gaining; but I'll be damned if all this running is going to just be cancelled out by cake, cookies & whatever else passes through my kitchen.
When I was tracking calories before, I lost 12 lbs in a matter of a month or so of some pretty strict self governing. Its really fun to see the scale move backward... It's also really fun to eat chocolate cake. Alas, it really is time to get back in touch with the reality of the situation: I have a closet full of "pre-Abigail" clothes that are tailored to a healthy size for me. I need to get back there. I wasn't "thin" by any means pre-pregnancy; but I was happy with my apperance. So here we go again with the calorie count site. I won't call it a diet; it really is a lifestyle.
God knows I've taken enough health science, nutrition, diet, exercise & weightloss classes to date to know what I'm doing. So I lift my glass of ice-cold decaf green tea to you! Summertime is here, and there is no better time than now to recommit to healthy eating.
So as far as calorie counting goes, my biggest challenge is that I go overboard in policing myself & tend to end up several hundred calories short of a healthy diet at the end of the day. At that point, trying to stuff them in is useless. Balancing between a healthy number and "starvation mode" may have played a role in the plateauing of the past. I think that's a new word. Roll with it. Plateau is an adjective now.
When I was tracking calories before, I lost 12 lbs in a matter of a month or so of some pretty strict self governing. Its really fun to see the scale move backward... It's also really fun to eat chocolate cake. Alas, it really is time to get back in touch with the reality of the situation: I have a closet full of "pre-Abigail" clothes that are tailored to a healthy size for me. I need to get back there. I wasn't "thin" by any means pre-pregnancy; but I was happy with my apperance. So here we go again with the calorie count site. I won't call it a diet; it really is a lifestyle.
God knows I've taken enough health science, nutrition, diet, exercise & weightloss classes to date to know what I'm doing. So I lift my glass of ice-cold decaf green tea to you! Summertime is here, and there is no better time than now to recommit to healthy eating.
So as far as calorie counting goes, my biggest challenge is that I go overboard in policing myself & tend to end up several hundred calories short of a healthy diet at the end of the day. At that point, trying to stuff them in is useless. Balancing between a healthy number and "starvation mode" may have played a role in the plateauing of the past. I think that's a new word. Roll with it. Plateau is an adjective now.
Friday, June 10, 2011
Leaving it all behind me!
Ah but what a metaphor for so many things!
Running. What a fun gig that's turned out to be. A few months ago I found myself with an abundance of energy in the evening. I was having such a hard time getting to sleep that I figured I really needed to pick up an exercise routine. I'm familiar with running. It'd been a while, sure. I've smoked cigarettes off and on throughout my adult life and I'm not so diluted as to think that hasn't affected my physical state in some permanent way. But I let loose one day... Strapped on the ol' running shoes and surprised myself by busting out with 1.5 miles right out of the gate. I've been going ever since then; picking up a 1/2 mile here, an extra hill there, and now I'm up to 3-5 miles 4-6 days/week depending on the week & how I feel. My route changes pretty much daily. I carry pepper spray in case of stray dogs or creepers, because I do trail runs and canal road runs.
Let me just say that there really is nothing more rewarding than the feeling of accomplishment you get when you finish a good workout. Or when you can look back and say, "Damn, I've been running for _____ months!" I've worked it back into my routine. It's part of who I am again. I'm a runner. So in this sense, what I'm leaving behind me is a stretch of trail, or road, or sidewalk. And maybe some stress and anxiety and hard feelings. You can take those things out on the pavement and the pavement will never know the difference. I'm sleeping much better.
Speaking of "behind", I'm scheduled for some "scopies" (yeah, plural) next week. Maybe we'll find out what is causing the whole "Kerr stomach" thing. Maybe not. I can say that my problems started when I was 8 years old, and my parents started their divorce proceedings. Stress has a way of creeping right into your organs. Especially when you're little and you don't have tools to deal with anxiety in any way that even resembles normal and healthy. I remember a GI doctor telling me WAY BACK THEN that if I didn't stop taking stressors out on my stomach that I would eventually end up with an ulcer. I hope that is not the case; I don't think that's the case. I guess we'll see for sure.
My GI doctor was telling me about how difficult it is for people to come to her with chronic stomach/GI problems because it's not part of regular dialogue. I told her that it is definitely part of my dialogue. I'm more or less an open book when it comes to my bad gut. I've just never had good enough insurance to get to the bottom of it, until now. {HAHA there it is again. The bottom. The behind. So many ass metaphors. So little time.}
Running. What a fun gig that's turned out to be. A few months ago I found myself with an abundance of energy in the evening. I was having such a hard time getting to sleep that I figured I really needed to pick up an exercise routine. I'm familiar with running. It'd been a while, sure. I've smoked cigarettes off and on throughout my adult life and I'm not so diluted as to think that hasn't affected my physical state in some permanent way. But I let loose one day... Strapped on the ol' running shoes and surprised myself by busting out with 1.5 miles right out of the gate. I've been going ever since then; picking up a 1/2 mile here, an extra hill there, and now I'm up to 3-5 miles 4-6 days/week depending on the week & how I feel. My route changes pretty much daily. I carry pepper spray in case of stray dogs or creepers, because I do trail runs and canal road runs.
Let me just say that there really is nothing more rewarding than the feeling of accomplishment you get when you finish a good workout. Or when you can look back and say, "Damn, I've been running for _____ months!" I've worked it back into my routine. It's part of who I am again. I'm a runner. So in this sense, what I'm leaving behind me is a stretch of trail, or road, or sidewalk. And maybe some stress and anxiety and hard feelings. You can take those things out on the pavement and the pavement will never know the difference. I'm sleeping much better.
Speaking of "behind", I'm scheduled for some "scopies" (yeah, plural) next week. Maybe we'll find out what is causing the whole "Kerr stomach" thing. Maybe not. I can say that my problems started when I was 8 years old, and my parents started their divorce proceedings. Stress has a way of creeping right into your organs. Especially when you're little and you don't have tools to deal with anxiety in any way that even resembles normal and healthy. I remember a GI doctor telling me WAY BACK THEN that if I didn't stop taking stressors out on my stomach that I would eventually end up with an ulcer. I hope that is not the case; I don't think that's the case. I guess we'll see for sure.
My GI doctor was telling me about how difficult it is for people to come to her with chronic stomach/GI problems because it's not part of regular dialogue. I told her that it is definitely part of my dialogue. I'm more or less an open book when it comes to my bad gut. I've just never had good enough insurance to get to the bottom of it, until now. {HAHA there it is again. The bottom. The behind. So many ass metaphors. So little time.}
Thursday, May 19, 2011
To blog or not to blog?
Blogging brings out the most paranoid side of me. I feel like a hermit peeping through the blinds at the outside world right now. I want badly to blog, yet fear that I am loading someones virtual gun with ammunition of my personal information. But here goes nothing. I'm forging ahead. There are some personal things I keep for myself and my family that are just ours. There are some personal things that I think I'd like to share. Lets test the waters.
Now that the smoke has cleared a bit, I'd like to share that I've finally made it into nursing school at CBC. Around here, it is really difficult to get in. I applied to two different programs last year and didn't get into either one. Now granted -- I was so pregnant I looked like a house when I went in for my interview with WSU; and would have been starting school with a newborn. This year I have a degree under my belt, and some extra science and math classes to pad my application a bit. I don't know if I would have been able to cut it last year anyway with the stress of a new baby and all. So I guess things happen in their own good time for their own good reasons.
I'll be starting this fall. It's going to be tough, but Sean and Doris have got my back and we are all ready to start this new chapter; knowing that it is a means to an end. We'll be a stronger family when we come out on the other end of these next two years -- and we'll have more moolah. Maybe money can't buy happiness, but it can buy a nicer car and a house with a yard big enough for some chickens and maybe a goat or an alpaca or something interesting. This is America for Chrissakes.
Now that the smoke has cleared a bit, I'd like to share that I've finally made it into nursing school at CBC. Around here, it is really difficult to get in. I applied to two different programs last year and didn't get into either one. Now granted -- I was so pregnant I looked like a house when I went in for my interview with WSU; and would have been starting school with a newborn. This year I have a degree under my belt, and some extra science and math classes to pad my application a bit. I don't know if I would have been able to cut it last year anyway with the stress of a new baby and all. So I guess things happen in their own good time for their own good reasons.
I'll be starting this fall. It's going to be tough, but Sean and Doris have got my back and we are all ready to start this new chapter; knowing that it is a means to an end. We'll be a stronger family when we come out on the other end of these next two years -- and we'll have more moolah. Maybe money can't buy happiness, but it can buy a nicer car and a house with a yard big enough for some chickens and maybe a goat or an alpaca or something interesting. This is America for Chrissakes.
Subscribe to:
Comments (Atom)